Long Lasting Relationships & Criticism Don’t Go Together
Kindness and generosity are the two most important traits of long lasting relationships according to a study done by a group of social scientists. ‘The Masters’ (still happily together after the 6 year study) spoke about generosity, kindness with emotional stability, being appreciative of one another and listening while validating who your partner is.
On the other hand ‘The Disasters’ (broken up or chronically unhappy relationships) were full of criticism, negativity and looking for their partner’s mistakes all of the time. You can only imagine finding fault, anger, aggression, degrading, making fun of and acting as if you are more important than your partner would all be part of ‘The Disasters’ relationship style also. Contempt being the number one factor for tearing relationships apart.
Social scientists first started studying marriages by observing them in action in the 1970’s in response to a crisis: married couples were divorcing at unprecedented rates. Worried about the impact these divorces would have on the children of the broken marriages, psychologists decided to cast their scientific net on couples, bringing them into the lab to observe them and determine what the ingredients of a healthy, lasting relationship were.
“There’s a habit of mind that the masters have,” Gottman explained in an interview, “which is this: they are scanning their social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. Disasters are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes.” Author Derek Lovell
For full sources & full article go to: The Mind Unleashed
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